Hard Lessons Learned Along the Way: Growing Up in Christ

Christ-centered or Church-centered?

A series of lessons learned in a season of finding my stability in Christ Alone

I sat on my couch one afternoon wondering once again how I ended up in a place of broken relationships. This time it was within our church. We had knit our hearts with the people of this church in so many ways, so to separate from this group of believers felt like I was losing my whole support system at once. In this very same season of life, I started to work full-time, and I had not reconciled with my family yet. So, my life felt empty and unstable. Those feelings of being emotionally detached and disconnected to life were forcing their way to the surface, rearing their ugly faces, and I was scared.

It all started when our church decided to go down roads my husband and I did not believe were the right paths for us. We had questions and doubts and wanted time to go to the scriptures to see whether these things were so just as the Bereans did in the Book of Acts. My husband had been experiencing spiritual abuse within the church over the past couple of years due to his questioning nature and uncertainty of what was going on in the church. I had watched him as he tried his best to stay in fellowship with the believers even though he was being verbally assaulted both privately and publicly. But, there came a point where enough was enough, and he had to get out of that toxic environment. He did not want to upset our family by moving on since we all had established relationships within the church. However, as hard as it was to leave this fellowship of believers, I reluctantly supported his decision to leave because I saw that it had become too toxic for him to stay. Unfortunately, that also meant leaving people that were at the center of my world. And, that right there was at the heart of my problem- I had become church-centered rather than Christ-centered in my walk.

One Year Earlier

“You are more church-centered than Christ-centered,” God clearly said to me night.

​I remember about a year earlier when God whispered to my heart- “You are more church-centered than Christ-centered. Center your life in Christ.” I began a search in the scriptures to find out what it meant to be Christ-centered rather than church-centered. Looking back, I now see that God was teaching me from His Word the truths I would need to be rooted in before the time came for us to leave our church family. He foresaw the spiritually tumultuous times we were about to head into, and He lovingly was preparing me with His truth to get me anchored in Christ Jesus before the storms hit. Through this particular season of life, God taught me about what it means to “hold Jesus Christ as the Head”, set my feet on the solid foundation He provided in Jesus Christ, how to remain anchored in Jesus Christ during tumultuous times, and how regardless of the mistakes I make and the wrong turns I follow, He is able to make my life beautiful somehow. I would like to share with you the lessons God taught throughout this season in learning how to center my life in Christ.

Lesson 1:

The Head of The Body

I got a call from one of the believers from the church asking me how I was doing. When we had first left, no one had reached out to us to inquire about how we were doing or why we left. Her phone call meant the world to me. I burst into tears and told her how lonely I felt and lost because everything in my life had changed in a matter of one month. I started a new job working full time, our daughter was struggling emotionally with starting middle school, I had  no extended family relationships in tact at the time, and I had lost my church family. I felt uprooted and displaced with nowhere to “re-pot” myself. But, God never skipped a beat. He had already gone before me and prepared the way for me. (Some of what He did are stories for another time.) As I placed my trust in Him, my eyes were opened to see all He was doing to rebuild and reorient my life into something so much more than I could ever have asked for or thought of.

In Ephesians, our Lord Jesus Christ is referred to as the Head of the One Body and the chief cornerstone of the holy temple of God. As the Head of the Body, it says, in the NLT version, that he is seated at “a place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms. Now he is far above any ruler, or authority, or power, or leader or anything else- not only in this world, but in the world that is to come. God has put all things under the authority of Christ and has made him head over all things for the benefit of the church. And the church is his Body, it is made full and complete by Christ who fills all things everywhere with himself.” (NLT Ephesians 1:20-23)

As Head of the One Body, our Lord has been given an exalted position of power and authority that is above any humanly position here on earth and also far above any spiritual power and authority as well. Jesus Christ is the one who God our Father has given the right and responsibility to govern our lives. His position is sure and steadfast because God says He sat Jesus Christ down at His right hand and He gave him this position. In the Bible, to be seated indicates the job is finished and completed. Jesus Christ’s position is a sure thing, and we as the church can be at peace knowing his position of authority and responsibility will remain so forever. What a promise to hold fast to. What God our Father has completed in Christ Jesus on our behalf is a finished work. What He has done in our lives in Christ, is a complete and finished work in us as well. No man can undo what God has done for us in and in us in Christ.

This truth gave me a lot of peace as I meditated on Jesus Christ my Lord being my head. He is able to direct my path according to our Father’s leading. He is able to fill my life so it is full and overflowing. He can lead me to the believers I need in my life when I need them because His church is spiritual in nature not one that is built with hands. nor defined by any denomination. What a freeing truth this was to me at that time. I didn’t need to find a church, I just needed to hold fast to Jesus Christ as my Head, and he would provide me with who I needed in the church so I could be nourished and equipped to live my life and function in the body of Christ.

In fact, God began to prove to me how well He knew what and who I needed in the next few seasons of my life. First, He promised me that if I would hand over to Him all of the relationships I had in my life rather than cling to them, He would bring the people I needed into my life. He also promised me all the relationships in my life that were built on the foundation of Jesus Christ would withstand this storm and that He would preserve them for me. One by one, I named each person and released them all to God.

Soon after that moment with God, he began to bring new sisters-in-Christ into my life. I had recently begun working full time, and I developed a wonderful friendship with a believer at work. God worked in her heart in many ways to minister to me both at work and in my personal life. I often stopped in her office at work when anxiety was raging in my heart and head. We went for many walks and had many conversations that were filled with godly counsel that ministered to my heart. God blessed me with an older woman who came alongside of me as an older mentor in her seventies. I had just prayed to God for an older woman who could give me the motherly wisdom I needed. She and I became prayer partners for many years as result of us picking the same type of flower seeds from a basket at a women’s bible study one evening. Through our children’s school and a local church, I met three women who became friends for a season at a time when I needed the comfort and support their friendship provided. I got to experience first-hand how our Father worked through His Son Jesus Christ as the Head of the Body to fulfill His Word in my life with what I needed emotionally and spiritually.

Lesson 2

A Sure Foundation: Jesus Christ the Chief Cornerstone

Ephesians 2:19-22 declared Jesus Christ as the chief cornerstone of the holy temple of God- God’s dwelling place.

“Together we are His house built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets. And the cornerstone is Jesus Christ himself. We are carefully joined together in him becoming a holy temple for the Lord. Through him you Gentiles are being made part of this dwelling where God lives by His spirit.”

When it felt like the foundation of my life had been ripped out from beneath my feet, God was teaching me that the foundation He laid down for me had not shifted or changed at all. I could find my footing once again if I chose to build my life on Jesus Christ and his finished work rather than on relationships with people. A cornerstone in a building provides the alignment, stability and strength to the structure. All other sections of the building must square up with the cornerstone. When the cornerstone is laid correctly, all the rest of the building is soundly constructed. Since God is the One Who laid Jesus Christ as the cornerstone of the holy temple, we can be assured we have a sure and sound foundation upon which to build our lives.

1 Peter 2: 4-7a

“You are coming to Christ who is the living cornerstone of God’s temple. He was rejected by people, but He was chosen by God for great honor. And you are living stones that God is building into His spiritual temple. What’s more, you are His holy priests. Through the mediation of Jesus Christ you offer spiritual sacrifices that please God. As the scriptures say, ‘I am placing a cornerstone in Jerusalem chosen for great honor and anyone who trusts in Him will never be disgraced.’ Yes, you who trust in him recognize the honor God has given him.”

As we align our lives up with Jesus Christ the chief cornerstone, laid by God Himself, our lives will have stability and strength regardless of what people say or do around us. This is true for the individual in their walk with God, and to the degree each member aligns their life up with Jesus Christ, the church will have stability and strength being nourished by Jesus Christ as the Head and will grow and increase in love.

I got up every morning between 4:30 and 5:00 to immerse myself in prayer and in God’s Word. With my journal right there, I recorded my prayers and thoughts as I opened my heart to God. God filled me with understanding of what it meant for me to follow Jesus Christ as my Lord, and He taught me how to build my life on the foundation He laid in Christ. The more I invested in my relationship with God as my caring Father, the more my life took on a wonderful new direction, and I found myself surrounded by people I never would have met had I stayed where I was before. God gave my life new dimensions as I worked full time, was obedient to go back to school to become a teacher, and remained open to His leading in receiving new people into my life. Today, I am not only a wife and mother, daughter, sister, friend, and coworker, but I am also a teacher, a mentor, and grandmother as well. Oh what a gracious God we serve!

Since life is in a constant state of change and decay, I find myself coming back to these truths time and again. Women tend to want to find their security in the relationships in their lives. We are that way by nature. We are happiest when our relationships are going well, but when they are in a state of conflict, disrepair, or come to an end, we feel the gaping hole of their absence, and sense of insecurity deep within. The truth is however, that if we choose to find our security in God and in the foundation God has provided for us in Christ Jesus our Lord, we will find a love that is all consuming, a strength that empowers us, and  a foothold that is sure and steadfast every step of the way.

So, are you church-centered or Christ-centered? God promises us that if we trust in Christ, we will not be disappointed or ashamed, and that this foundation is a rock that will withstand the strongest of storms. But, if we trust in something else or someone else, we will find ourselves on shaky ground and shifting sands just when we need strength and stability the most.

Colossians 2:6-7 (NLT) “And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. Let your roots grow down into him and your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.”

Lesson 3:
Anchored in Christ: A lesson on living life anchored in the hope we have in Christ at the right hand of the Father

Have you ever felt like you were floating out in space disconnected from life? Or, like you are reaching out to find something to hold onto, but there is nothing out  therein the darkness to grasp? It is dark, lonely, and frightening. Or, have you ever felt like you were drifting in the midst of an ocean while waves are rising and falling all around you, and at times these waves plunge on top of you, but you have nothing to anchor yourself to, so you get pounded, tossed to and fro with every surge of the sea? This is how many people describe how they feel when they had not learned how to bond with other people in life. Often this is due to not learning how to bond with their parents, especially with their mother, at an early age, and therefore, don’t know how to bond with people as they grow up. They feel disconnected, detached, and with every harsh blow that comes their way, they find themselves reaching out for something or someone to hold onto, but in the darkness there is nothing, nor is there anyone to hold onto. It is a very lonely, desperate place to be. That is how I felt as I tried to navigate life as a teenager into adulthood.  And, this is what God taught me in my quiet time with Him to set me free and establish my footing in life:  “My child, you belong to Me.” Thus leading me into a season of lessons regarding being anchored in Christ.

​As I have shared previously, I struggled with issues of abandonment, neglect, and loneliness that led to issues with anxiety, insecurity, and codependency in my adult relationships. Once God placed people in my life, I hewed out my own broken cistern called codependency with the people I loved. I had been so alone and lost since I was twelve that when people were finally in my life I trusted, I clung to them fiercely so I wouldn’t lose them. The problem is that I was choking the life out of these relationships with my strong grip. I placed my love and need for people higher than my need and  love for God. This is always a recipe for disaster.

Then God taught me that He had anchored me in Jesus Christ at His own right hand. It all started one day on my deck studying the Bible about the hope I have in Jesus Christ as a result of being told I could forfeit my salvation. This idea placed the emphasis back on me and it shook my confidence about being a daughter of God. My whole relationship with God came into question. Was I saved by grace or not? Was I born again with incorruptible seed or not? I went to God’s Word to see whether or not these things were so. 

​Hebrews 6:13-  20

God had made an oath with Abraham to guarantee the promise He had made  that He would bless Abraham and multiply his descendants beyond number. God is the one Who made the promise, God is the one Who gave an oath in His own name, and it was God Who bound Himself to the oath so that “those who receive the promise could be perfectly sure that He would never change His mind. So, God has given both His promise and His oath. These two things are unchangeable for it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore we who have fled to Him for refuge can have great confidence as we   hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary. Jesus has already gone in there for us. He has become our eternal High Priest in the order  of Melchizedek.” (Hebrews 6: 17 – 20 NLT version)

​Theologian, Kenneth Wuest, offers this insight on this section of scripture in his word study book, The Word Studies in the Greek New Testament Vol. 2 on p.125:

​We have some rich figures here. This present life is the sea; the soul, a ship; the hidden bottom of the sea, the hidden reality of the heavenly word. The soul is seen as storm-tossed on the troubled sea of life. The soul of the believer, as a tempest tossed ship, is held by the anchor within the veil fastened by faith to the blessed reality within the veil (of the Holy of Holies of heaven).

​Once again, God’s Word, as the two-edged sword, pierced through all the confusion and hurt right to the place of my greatest need at that time. God spoke to me through these truths telling me that the promises He has made to me in the finished work of His Son Jesus Christ are promises He made to me, and that He has made an oath to me that they have been fulfilled and are unchangeable. I can go ahead and take hold of these promises because He is guaranteeing me that the hope He has given to me to be the anchor of my soul is reliable, trustworthy, and anchored securely in His Son Jesus Christ. He has placed His incorruptible seed in me making me His daughter whom He loves and delights in. I will see Jesus Christ face to face when he returns not because I am perfect, but because the work Jesus Christ accomplished is perfect both for me and in me. 

​Regardless of what men may say, no matter what their title is, God’s Word about my salvation, my hope,  and His complete work in Christ in me are the sure  foundation of my faith. I can confidently build my life on this unshakeable foundation because God is the One who laid it down.  I belong to Him, I am loved by Him, I am known to Him,  and I will see Him and His Son face to face when His Son returns. There is a sense of peace that passes all understanding when a child of God knows these things are true apart from their deeds. Just like a child in a family will thrive to the degree they know they are unconditionally loved by their parents apart from their performance, so any child of God can thrive in life as they have the blessed assurance that they too are loved unconditionally by the God and Father of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Lesson 4:

You Make Me Beautiful Somehow

“The work I have done in you no man can ever take away”

About the time I was 40 years old, I found myself in an emotional and spiritual place that I had not been in since I was 18 years old. I was not as desperate, but the feelings of floating out in space and being tossed to and fro in the ocean with nothing to hold onto were waging a war on my mind. I was trapped in the mindset that God was not happy with me and wanted to fix me. Our church at the time was engaged in deliverance and  healing which led me to become fixated on my past and looking within most of the time. I was caught in a web of the idea that I needed to be cleansed and be made right in order to be lovable and acceptable. This tarnished my way of seeing God and what He thought of me.

In the midst of this season, our pastor was questioning everything I was taught about God, life, and the Bible which removed the very things I held on to for peace and stability. The foundations of my faith in the complete work of Christ for my salvation, and the hope of my faith that I would be with Christ at His return were being hacked away at by his teachings. Was I born again by grace or not? Could I do something so wrong that I could lose my salvation? What if I am not in a good place when Christ returns, will I not be able to be with Him?   If I could lose my salvation, then was I truly God’s daughter? This last question cut at the very heart of my faith. I was being taught at this time that although I was saved by grace, I needed to maintain it by my works. This cut at the very heart of my faith because my trust in the finished work of Christ for my salvation, and God’s promise to me to joyfully anticipate Christ’s return were being challenged. This fanned the flames of anxiety and insecurity within me at a time when my extended family ties were severed, I went back to work full time, and we were leaving the church. I was definitely feeling lost, disconnected, and feeling like I had nothing left to hold on to that was sure. That is when I heard  a song come on by Joy Williams, “Beautiful Somehow.” The chorus describes how God as her Father looks upon her as  His daughter with a smile on His face:

Chorus:

​”I’m just fine,

I see a smile from heaven,

My Father’s proud,

And I know that I am simply, fearfully, and wonderfully made in You,

You make it beautiful somehow.”

Then   there is a refrain that says,

​”Every day, every way,

Got my elbows on the table,

My mind up in the clouds,

I know I’m getting better,

I can almost hear you laugh out loud,

The more I trust in You,

The more I find,

What You create is no mistake,

It’s purpose by design.”

​I fell to my knees in my family room in tears as the picture of a Father loving His daughter, smiling at His daughter, and being proud of His daughter formed in my mind. God clearly and directly said, “That is how I see you.” I sat there bent over as I sobbed in my Father’s presence trying to soak in this mental picture of my Father looking down on me with a smile on His face, proud of me, and  wanting to simply love me in His presence. He was NOT looking at my shortcomings, sins, and failures and trying to correct me all the time so that He could love and accept me. He loved me right where I was in life and He loved me as I was- warts and all.

I had lost sight that God loved me as His own, just the  way I was and where I was. He was not trying to fix me all the time, but rather He delighted in me. I had forgotten God’s words to me back when I was 19 years old when He told me, “The work I have done in you no man can ever take away.” And, I was believing the words of a man over His.   As I sat on my couch that day, God quietly said, “You are forgetting what I taught you over the past several years. Think about how I have worked with you- I provided a loving husband, I have taught you My Word, and I have taught you how I listen to you and answer your prayers.” God’s comfort began to surge through my veins as I meditated on what He was telling me. I reflected on how He taught me, and even how He has corrected me. All had been done in a gentle and direct manner that was easy to be entreated. (as James chapter 3 describes God’s wisdom). “You can depend on Me, I am here, as your loving Father.” He reminded me of the manner in which He had been teaching me along the way  about how to place my dependence on Him alone in the calm of His presence. He reminded me of the  peace  and  sense of belonging I had found in Him alone. 

Lesson 5:

Only God Satisfies

​Jeremiah 2:13 “You have forsaken Me the Fountain of Living Waters and hewn out for yourselves cisterns, broken cisterns which can hold no water.”

​God is the source of everything we need.

​God made human beings with an internal and fundamental need to know we are loved apart from our performance, we need to know we are fully known, and we need to know we belong. Without this, we never find our true identity and cannot develop healthy relationships with other people. We live with a cavernous need that can only be filled with God’s love found in His presence. This cavernous need for love is what drives people to isolation,  addictions, codependency, and a host of other issues in the pursuit to have this need met.  We search incessantly to have this need met, and will try to fill it with all kinds of things. And, just like a broken cistern can hold no water, just when we need love the most, the supply will not be there leaving us to feel empty on the inside.

Psalm 107: 4- 9 described this search to be filled in this way:

​They wandered in the wilderness in a solitary way; they found no city to dwell in.

Hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted in them.

Then they cried unto the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them out of their distresses.

And he led them forth by the right way, that they might go to a city of habitation.

Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!

For he satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness.

​When Israel wandered in the wilderness in a solitary way, they were hungry and thirsty, and their souls fainted within. But, when they cried out to God, God responded and delivered them out of their distresses. He led them in the right way and provided a place for them to dwell. Verse nine describes how well God provided for them: “He satisfies their longing soul and fills their hungry souls with goodness”.  The word for “satisfied” means to fill to full satisfaction. The “longing soul” is a soul that greedily rushes about like a beast hungrily pursuing their prey. This verse also says that God “fills the hungry soul with His goodness.” The word “fills” means to fulfill and fill up. He fills up completely the “hungry soul” which is a soul that runs to and fro frantically seeking to find food to satisfy their hunger. God declares that when we cry out to Him to fill that need in our life rather than run around like a hungry animal, He will fill us with His goodness. His goodness means good things that will benefit us and leave us satisfied. When you put this all together, we learn that our souls that have been greedily rushing about trying to find ways to be filled are satisfied with God’s goodness as we look to Him to take care of us.

​God wove these truths together for me  one morning when our daughter who was about twelve years old at the time came bounding down the stairs. My husband, her dad.  was siting at the kitchen table having his morning cup of tea. The two of them had had an argument the night before that was left unresolved, yet when Amy saw her dad sitting at the table she, without hesitation, went swiftly onto her daddy’s lap and was warmly welcomed into his arms. She never once questioned her dad’s love for her or doubted he would receive her in that moment even thought they still had the issue to resolve. My husband loved her unconditionally and welcomed her gently into his arms. After a moment, he quietly spoke with her about their disagreement, she repented, and all was right between them. God whispered into my heart, “That is how it is when a daughter knows she is loved is by her father. She never questions her place in her father’s heart as his beloved daughter, whether she has been good or bad.” I had not known that kind of love growing up, but I could see it displayed right before my very eyes-  the beauty of unconditional love and the sense of belonging that grows within the heart as a result.  God said, “I want you to relate to me in this way as my beloved daughter. I want you to be that secure in my love for you always.”

In Conclusion:

The Big Shift

This season was a along and hard season, but the fruit that has come from it all was worth the washing, the lifting, the pruning, and restoring that God did as the cultivator of my heart. Learning how to become Christ-centered not church-centered was a big shift in my thinking, but once I let God mess with my thinking I was so happy to walk in the freedom these truths brought me. I have learned that God is not limited by my mistakes and mishaps in life. He is so much greater than all of this. He is able to turn any situation I am in, whether it is one I have made due to my wrong choices, brokenness, or inexperience, and lead me to where He wants me to go. Or, when I have been misguided by circumstances and people around me, He is able to work all these things together for the good as I turn to Him with all of my heart.

I have found great peace knowing that Jesus Christ, as the Head of the one body, is my leader and is directing my life. I have found stability and peace knowing the foundation God laid for me in Christ Jesus is sure and steadfast, and that I am indeed born again of incorruptible seed making me His  beloved daughter The living hope God has provided for me anchors me whether life is calm or turbulent and gives me joy. In all these things, God satisfies my hungry soul with His goodness as He continues to make my life beautiful somehow.,

My heart has found the courage to embark on the journey of true  healing and deliverance from the anxiety and insecurity that had been plaguing me that comes through my relationship with my Lord Jesus Christ and God my Father. The issues of codependency have  become untangled in my heart freeing me up to enjoy the relationships God has blessed me with. I have become free in my heart to once again be willing to knit my heart with other believers God connects me with. With my sure foundation in place once again and my hope securely fastened in Christ Jesus, I have stepped confidently into the next chapter of my life- becoming a teacher and grandmother. God and I are continuing to on our glorious adventure together!

So, are you feeling like you are floating unattached in space with nothing to hold onto, or like you are being tossed to and fro amongst the waves in the ocean with no anchor to ground you? Do you feel unloved, unknown, unseen,  unreachable? No one is so far that the long arms of God cannot reach them. No one is so hidden that God cannot see them.  No one is so abandoned and forgotten that God cannot make them His own. Like when Israel in the wilderness cried out to God, and God delivered them from all of their distresses, so God, the Father of the Lord Jesus Christ, longs to reach you, receive you, rescue you, reveal Himself to you, and make you His child. Cry out to Him, for He is already smiling at you and delighting in you as He waits for you to come home to Him.