A lesson on trusting God when He is leading you to a place you don’t feel ready for nor equipped to go!
Part one
God whispered, “I’m going to ask you to jump into the deep end of the pool with Me, and I will make sure you get to where I am asking you to go.”
“I think it’s time you went back to work full time,” my husband said calmly. “The kids are getting older now and they don’t need you like they used to. You need something in your life as they move on,” he continued to explain.
It was a spring evening in 2004 when we were sitting at our kitchen table. No one was home but us. Thank God for that, because I erupted in to a full fledged adult temper tantrum right before my husband’s eyes.
“What?!” I cried. “There’s no way I can (bleep) work full time! I don’t have any skills! I can’t do that!!” I screamed loudly and angrily. I continued to argue why this was not a good idea, and I was not using nice words.
I was adamant. I was not going to go to work full time. Fear surged through every fiber of my being. Go out there into the world- every day? What if I have a panic attack and I can’t get back home to my safe, quiet place to calm down? What if I was having a bad day, and was struggling to be around people? How was I going to manage my world, my anxiety, if I didn’t have control over my day and schedule?
He was right though. It was time. However, I was not ready for this next giant step in my life. I was petrified. I had carved out a way in my life to deal with the anxiety and panic attacks that went along with it. I had my quiet time with God every day, and if I was having a rough day, I could go to my sun room, pull out my Bible and journal, and spend time with God to settle back down. I had a nice arrangement with God. It was working great for me. Why mess with a good thing? After all, I was in control!
God knew I would dig in my heels out of fear and insecurity, and my story today is about my Heavenly Father leading me gently over a period of time to get me to the place where I was going to be able to step into working full time, and later go back to school to become a teacher. It was quite the journey. There were mountains of fear and broad chasms of doubt to be faced and overcome, but with God, He makes the impossible possible when we follow HIs lead.
That same spring I experienced a few encounters with God whispering in my ear. The first time was at a Women’s Conference just before I was about to go up to teach. I stood there as I was being introduced, and God quietly said, “This is your last event with these women. These other young women are going to increase, while you are going to decrease.”
After I was done teaching, a woman in the audience came up to me and said, “I want you to minister to me.” She went on to say, “As you were teaching, God said to me, :”Do you see that woman up there? I can do the same thing for you that I have done for her. And, I am not even done with her yet! There is so much more that I have for her”
I was dumbfounded. God said He has more for me? God was starting to nudge me in a new direction gently, but firmly. He let me know my days here with this group of women were coming to an end, but that He had something more for me. God was preparing my heart with the changes on the horizon well before the time came to take those steps. He was showing me what to let go of, so I could receive the new plans He had for me. He knew I resisted change and needed some help adjusting to what He had in store for me.
Just a few weeks later, I went to our oldest son’s youth group’s “Senior Send-off”. A young man named Sam Anderson got up to give a talk to the group. I stood there intrigued by the story he was telling about his dad. He told the story about how his father would take each of his children to the deep end of the pool before they knew how to swim. On this particular day, Sam went along as his dad took the long walk to the deep end of the pool with his youngest sister. He asked his dad why he did this with each of his children. His father’s reply pricked my heart. He told Sam that he asked his children to jump in the deep end of the pool before they could swim because he wanted them to trust him completely that he would catch them and get them safely to the other side of the pool. He went on to say that God at times asks us to do things before we are ready or able to and wants us to trust Him to ‘catch us and bring us safely to the other side.’ He wanted all of his children to learn to trust him in preparation for trusting God in the future”
It was at that very moment God whispered into my ear, “I’m going to ask you to jump into the deep end of the pool with Me, and I will make sure you get to where I am asking you to go.” I listened with wrapped attention to what God just told me, with both a peace, because I knew it was God speaking, and fear, because I knew He meant it.
My next encounter with God bringing me along came on the last day of Kids Kamp. I had been coordinating Children’s Fellowship and running a Kids Kamp with my friend Connie for the past six years. On the last day of camp, we always did a production for the parents and whoever else wanted to attend. As we were preparing for the production, God whispered to me and said, “This is your last Kids Kamp.” It was just like the time He said that to me at the Women’s Conference. I knew He was right, but I didn’t like it.
At the end of the performance, a friend, a retired teacher, came up to me and said, “You have a teacher’s heart. You need to be a teacher.” Her words stirred up that same combination of peace knowing that was God inspiring her to say that, and fear knowing He meant business. And, so began the next chapter of my life. A chapter that would bring changes, challenges, and mountains to overcome that would stretch me beyond what I ever thought possible. The time had come. God was calling me jump in!
