A Defining Moment by the Railroad Tracks

A Defining Moment by the Railroad Tracks

It was the summer of 1983, and I found myself at a crossroads once again. My relationship with my family was estranged and I had gotten myself caught up in a relationship with a young pastor in training which led to being estranged from the local believers. I left an unexpected confrontational meeting with some of the believers and went for a walk.They had placed all the blame and responsibility for the relationship on me while the young man stood there silently and watched. I felt like the woman brought to Jesus by the Pharisees who was caught in adultery- shamed, blamed, and condemned.    I ended up by some railroad tracks and sat down. I asked God how did I end up lost and alone again?

Just Two Years Earlier
Just two years earlier I was alone in a dark room, lost and alone crying out for help from God. I had just been rescued by a college roommate’s mother from my own mother’s husband who had tried to choke me in a drunken fit of anger.  I had no one to turn to for help and no place I could call home.I cried out to God asking if He really existed. 
Later that Spring, a friend from high school met up with me and told me all he was learning about Jesus Christ. My heart burned within me as he told me all Jesus had done for us. We spent hours together as he shared about Jesus Christ. At one point he opened up God’s Word and read to me Philippians 3:12-14. A sharp piercing occurred within my heart as God’s Word broke through the numbness and detachment I felt on a daily basis. The words “Forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forth unto those things that are before.” pierced through my heart like a two-edged sword. It was amazing because I actually felt an emotional response to these words. My first thought was, “This is what I have been looking for!” and I said to my friend, “I didn’t know you could read and understand the Bible! How did you learn this?” I knew in that moment that I wanted to search the scriptures for myself to learn about God and His Son. I wanted to look for the answers to life my heart had been longing to find. I was done living life emotionally detached from others while longing desperately to feel connected to them. God had reached my heart when no one else could. 

Let Me Be Your First Love
So, two years later, I sat there wondering how I ended up alone and lost again. I asked God, “How did I get here? How did I end up alone all over again?
God lovingly yet honestly replied, “You compromised on My love for a man’s love. If you love Me first, I will make sure you will have the relationships you need in your life.”
I responded by saying, “I will seek you first. I am not going to date anyone or have a boyfriend until I learn how to put You first in my life.” 
This was a defining moment for me. I spent the next year or so pursuing God first. I invested in my relationship with God going to Bible fellowships, reading God’s Word, taking classes to help better understand God’s Word, and spending time with other believers. I slowly began to grow and become stronger in my walk with God. 
That defining moment at the railroad tracks turned my life around. I went out as a missionary to Omaha, NE in August of 1984, met my future husband, and began a whole new life. I have never been lost and alone since then!